Me Post

If you are looking for a post about the kids or our new home, you aren't going to find it today. Sorry. This post is about me and some things I need to process through. I (Lisa) tend to remember things for a very long time. Most of the time the things that I remember are either completely random/useless or it was an event that made me feel awful about myself. For example, I taught a marine unit in to my students in 2006 and I still remember some of the vocabulary words like "cephalopod" which means head-foot. A cephalopod is a marine animal like squid, octopus, or cuttlefish thats body is made up of a head and feet or propulsion mechanisms. Random, I know.

I also remember things people have said or done to me. Why is it that we remember the hurtful things more than the helpful things? I still remember the awful way that some people I thought were friends treated me one day at the beach while I was in high school. I remember crying on my birthday as a child and the way that people have made me feel self-conscious as an adult. I have a really hard time letting go of some of those events. I question myself all the time. What did I do to make that person say that? Why did she unfriend me on Face.Book? Did I say something wrong? What could I have done so that this didn't happen? Why doesn't she like me? Why didn't they respond?

Matt thinks I care too much about what other people think about me. In reality, I probably do. My problem is that I let these things bother me for a very long time and they keep coming back to me.  They replay over and over again in my mind, in my heart and eat away at me. I suck at letting stuff go. I admit it. I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with stuff and move on. As Emma gets older I am trying to deal with my crappy stuff so that I don't pass it down to her. I want her to rock what she's got and forget the mean people in the world. Because no matter how sweet and cute she is, someone is going to hurt her at some point in time and I don't want her carrying that with her the rest of her life.